Incompetence
by Scarpaw
Summary: Really, Yosano had to wonder, how did anyone at the Agency put up with Ranpo? Or, 5 times Yosano held Ranpo's hand without his consent, and one time he held hers.


(Please don't tell me I'm the only one who ships this T.T) I just had an intense need for YosanoxRanpo hand holding.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Bungou Stray Dogs**

 _ **Incompetence**_

 _Really, Yosano had to wonder, how did anyone at the Agency put up with Ranpo?_

 _Or, 5 times Yosano held Ranpo's hand without his consent, and one time he held hers. YosanoxRanpo_

 **1\. Idiot**

Yosano doesn't know Ranpo the first time she takes him by the hand. Hell, she doesn't even know what the "Armed Detective Agency" is, or know that there are more people out there with abilities, like her. To be quite honest, she doesn't even realize that her ability _is_ an ability – she merely thinks it to be an odd set of reoccurring coincidences.

She's a doctor at the hospital in Yokohama, working in the emergency room. At this point in time, Yosano is working third shift, and technically is only supposed to be working from ten pm to six am. However, one of her coworkers, Akamatsu, begged her to switch shifts with him to get out of a date set up by his family, so Yosano reluctantly agreed to work his shift that day instead.

It's almost the end of her shift when the pair comes in. Two guys, one pushing the other in front of him, looking as if he's getting ready for a drop and ditch. He doesn't though, placidly filling out the paperwork that the receptionist hands him. As soon as he's done with it, it's immediately passed over to Yosano.

"All right," She says brusquely, looking over the first page mainly aiming to see a name. "Which one of you is Edogawa Ranpo?"

The answer is obvious though, even as the guy who filled out the paperwork nudges and points out the one next to him as her patient.

"Okay Ranpo-san," She addresses the patient directly, not even waiting for him to acknowledge her before going on with, "Follow me."

He doesn't though, and Yosano only realizes this after she's taken a handful of steps away and hears solely the click of her heels in the hall and no other footsteps. She turns to see that Ranpo hasn't moved, though the other man he is with is trying to get him to follow her. Yosano sighs and crosses the distance between her and the two men.

Yosano doesn't bother repeating herself, doesn't lend an ear to whatever furtive argument the two men are whispering back and forth to one another. She merely injects herself between the two, grabbing Ranpo's hand in hers.

"Let's get you checked out Ranpo-san," Yosano says as she effectively drags the patient with her on her way to the exam room. Ranpo stumbles after her, and she doesn't turn her head to see if he's pulling a face at his friend, or to see the receptionist's expression at her behavior.

Yosano wonders, after Ranpo and his friend has left, if it was the concussion that made it hard for him to follow directions, or if he's just naturally stupid.

* * *

 **2\. Lost**

It's her day off, and Yosano is using it to do some grocery shopping. Typically, when she goes shopping she gets one of the other detectives in the Agency to go with her, but today is a rare day that she wants to have to herself. She's all the way on the other side of Yokohama, because the Organic Wholefoods store she preferred closer to the Agency has shut down, and that means she has to go out of her way in order to get her grocery shopping done.

Still, it's good exercise, and Yosano has to admit that it's not a bad walk to make when the weather's nice. Had it been raining or snowing, she undoubtedly would have taken the bus or caught a cab, or not even bothered, but with the sun shining brightly overhead Yosano is willing to walk there and back.

She takes her time shopping, and it's just as she's checking out when her cellphone rings. Fishing it out of her pocket, she rolls her eyes when she sees the caller ID of _Lone Poet_ flashing on the screen. Reluctantly answering, Yosano tucks the phone between her ear and shoulder as she finishes paying.

"It is my _day off_ Kunikida," She reprimands before allowing him the social nicety of speaking first, "What is _so important_ that you're calling me on my _day off._ "

"Ranpo," Kunikida answers, sounding only slightly cowed by her tone. Hmph, she's going to have to work on that. Picking up her bag of groceries, she inclines her head in a silent goodbye to the cashier, and ponders how badly injured the newest member of the Agency must be that they're trying to get ahold of her immediately.

"Is he stable?" She sighs, interrupting Kunikida and not allowing him to speak.

"W-What?" Kunikida sounds caught off guard, and he's lucky Yosano's in a good mood, seeing as she doesn't typically appreciate having to repeat herself.

"I _said,_ is Ranpo stable?" She bumps her hip against the door to get it open, and gives a polite smile to a young man passing by who stops to hold the door for her. "I can only imagine the reason you're calling me on my _day off_ is due to some sort of medical emergency."

There's an awkward silence on the other end of the line, and Yosano gets the distinct impression that she's not being called about a medical emergency.

"Kunikida," She barks sharply into the line as the silence continues, before receiving a quiet response.

"He's lost."

"He's _what._ " Yosano thinks she heard wrong.

"He's lost!" Kunikida repeats, "He was working a case up where you are, and he got lost. Because you're currently in the area, the Director has asked if you wouldn't mind sparing some time to see if you can't find Ranpo and bring him back."

"Three times." She replies.

"What?" It's Kunikida's turn to be confused.

"That's how many times I'm going to kill him for this." Yosano says flatly, before hanging up.

She's barely walked a block, and has ignored four calls from Kunikida, when she stumbles upon the imbecile, sitting on a bus bench and humming dumbly.

"Ah! Yosano!" The dumbass smiles brightly upon seeing her standing in front of him. "I was just hoping I'd run into some – oof!"

Yosano resolutely and firmly squashes down any and all murderous intents she's feeling for the other detective, channeling it instead into roughly shoving her bag of groceries into his hands, effectively turning him into her pack-mule.

"Don't drop that!" She barks at him, before taking one of his hands into her own and proceeding to drag him back to the Agency.

Yosano doesn't release Ranpo's hand once.

* * *

 **3\. Simplicity**

She's with a patient when she receives the request.

Yosano is supposed to head uptown with Ranpo in order to investigate an attempted murder. Really, Ranpo could handle the whole situation by himself, but the victim is currently in critical condition. Stable, but in critical condition. Which means that if they want to talk with the victim in order to get a better idea of who attacked them (honestly though, Yosano knows that Ranpo can find the attacker without the victim's testimony) Yosano needs to make the trip uptown as well.

Partly out of laziness, and partly out of curiosity, she sends Ranpo out uptown ahead of her. Gives him the address, tells him that she'll catch the next train once she's done. Reassures him needlessly that he _does not need to wait for her._ Yosano is intensely curious to know if he'll finish before she arrives, and wonders if Ranpo will let her know if he does. More than likely he won't – though Ranpo has a cellphone, he rarely ever uses it.

Regardless, Yosano takes her time in finishing up, and takes her time heading to the train station. She has yet to receive an urgent message saying that the patient's medical status has taken a dive, so she figures that the situation isn't going to change if she takes twenty or thirty minutes more to get uptown.

Checking her phone as she arrives at the station, Yosano notes that the train Ranpo should have boarded would have arrived at his destination 10 minutes ago. Meaning that by the time she gets on scene things should be well enough wrapped up that all she has to do is make the trip to the hospital to take care of the victim.

This, of course, is simply the _ideal_ situation.

 _Realistically_ , this does not happen.

Yosano enters the train station to stumble upon the sight of Ranpo sitting on a bench right in the lobby area of the station. She is baffled, astounded really, as to why Ranpo would wait for her instead of going on ahead like she told him to.

"I told you that you didn't need to wait for me." Still, Yosano manages to maintain her normal level of brusqueness and annoyance.

Ranpo doesn't even have the decency to look abashed at her reprimand. He just sits there, grinning like an idiot.

"I didn't!" He replies cheerily. "Wait for you, I mean."

"Then _why_ are you sitting in the lobby _here_ instead of being uptown already?" She is a doctor, and doctors are supposed to have patience. Unfortunately, Yosano was never good at having patience, especially in stupid situations like this.

Ranpo beams, and answers her without a trace of shame in his voice.

"I don't know how to take the train!"

Yosano digs her nails into her palms and reminds herself that it is not appropriate to murder her coworkers in public. Tells herself that it is not worth the paperwork to murder Ranpo in public.

Instead, she angrily points at the bumbling detective and shouts, "Six times!"

"Hmm?" Ranpo hums, not even looking confused as Yosano angrily takes his hand in hers and drags him off to get train tickets and board.

"That's how many times I'm going to kill you for this!" She doesn't even bother to keep her voice down. "You _incompetent idiot._ What type of person doesn't know how to take the _train_?"

Yosano doesn't stop ranting until they're halfway uptown, and doesn't realize she never let go of Ranpo's hand until he's pulling away from her, heading ahead of her out of the station.

* * *

 **4\. Reaction**

To say that they never encounter runners when doing something for the Agency is like saying that Dazai has never casually attempted suicide in the middle of a job. That is, it's a complete falsehood and should be anticipated almost every time an Agency member goes out on any sort of job. For _both_ sides of the comparison.

That means when the guy Yosano and Ranpo are interrogating as a suspect for a kidnapping – and really, he's not a suspect, as Ranpo has just declared that the suspect is the culprit – bolts off, they are prepared for it and take after him.

In all honesty, neither Yosano nor Ranpo are the best choices for a chase. Among his many other failings, Ranpo isn't very athletic, and while high-heels are fashionable, Yosano's choice in footwear isn't the best either. Still, they're the ones out on the job and, even though they already know who the culprit is, they can't let him get away. Not until the cops arrive to take over.

They gun it after the culprit down side streets, following him all the way down by the docks. As they run, Yosano stumbles, and hears the tell-tale crack just moments before the heel of her shoe breaks. Thankful that the shoes don't have straps, Yosano simply kicks them off and continues running.

Ranpo's a few steps ahead of her, and manages to get a hand on the guy, clasping fingers around the guy's wrist. Yosano realizes what the guy is about to do a second before he actually does it, but she's still in no position to do anything about it. She watches as the guy shoves Ranpo towards the railing with enough force that all 57 kilograms of her bumbling partner goes tumbling over it, falling straight for the deep waters below.

Yosano has a split second decision to make. Either try and catch Ranpo and attempt to pull him back over the railing, or continue on after the guy they've been chasing. Unfortunately, the choice she has to make is obvious.

Her shoulder nearly wrenches itself from its socket as she reaches over the railing just in time to catch Ranpo's hand in her own. He has his other hand placed over the top of his head, which Yosano is fairly certain is just to make sure that he doesn't lose the glasses that the Director gave him to the watery depths below. Yosano's freehand is gripping the railing in a white-knuckle grip in an effort to make sure that she doesn't go following Ranpo over it as well.

"Wow, you actually caught me!" Ranpo has the audacity to crow at her. "And here I thought you were going to let me fall to keep up the chase!"

"Yeah right," Scoffs Yosano as she braces a foot against the railing and pulls Ranpo up a fraction. "Knowing my luck, I'd let you fall and find out that your dumb ass can't swim. And while _Thou Shalt Not Die_ works for fatal injuries, drowning doesn't count."

There's an awkward silence, and Yosano realizes that she hit the nail on the head.

"You seriously can't swim."

"Nope!"

"…I should have let you drown."

* * *

 **5\. Games**

It's a game that all the members of the Agency enjoy playing, even if none of them admit to it. Normally, the Director has to force them to play it – usually as a 'bonding' exercise – but when he does, while there are moans and groans and objections to it, they're never serious. All of Yokohama is their territory when playing, and it tends to be an all-out battle royale with the use of their abilities. Anything goes, except for fatal injuries unless Yosano is in the area.

Really, it's hard to describe _what_ the game is, or how to play. Agency members are paired up with one another, and it's a very violent mix of capture the flag, hide and seek, and a scavenger hunt all rolled up into one. Pairs are decided prior to the start of the game, but at the start of the game everyone's in different spots around Yokohama. The object of the game is to find your partner without getting caught by any of the other players and then, once you have found your partner, to get the items on the scavenger hunt list. There's only one of each item, and the winner is the team that gets them all, or at least the majority, and returns them to the Agency without getting caught by the other players.

This time around, Yosano is paired up with Ranpo. In any other setting, this wouldn't be a bad thing. Seeing as the scavenger hunt items are hidden with clues and riddles, Ranpo is typically the perfect choice for this sort of event. The problem is that when it comes to avoiding where the other players are he absolutely _sucks_ at. Which is ironic, because one would think that Ranpo would be able to deduce where the other Agency members would go and be able to avoid them no problem.

The good news is tough that in order to be considered out, a member of the pair has to be tagged _after_ being found by a different team. So when she finally stumbles upon Ranpo, staring down the team Dazai and Kunikida, it's not too late. They still have time to stay in the game.

Dazai and Kunikida haven't noticed her yet, and it looks as if Ranpo hasn't either. Yosano has two options: she can either try and tag Dazai and Kunikida out, or she can attempt to grab Ranpo and book it out of there. In the long run, it would be easier to tag Dazai and Kunikida out now, making it less competition for her and Ranpo, but at the same time, it's a higher risk – if either of them see her before she gets both of them, there's the chance she could get tagged out. As for grabbing Ranpo and booking it, there's a higher chance of them both successfully getting away, than if she tried to take out Dazai and Kunikida.

Weighing the options, her choice is obvious.

"Come on you idiot!" Barreling out of her hiding spot, Yosano makes a beeline for Ranpo. Out of reflex, her hand shoots out, taking Ranpo's hand in hers as she dives by. "Don't just _stare_ at them, run!"

"Ah, right!" Ranpo agrees, moving his feet so Yosano isn't dragging his dead weight.

"Dazai!" She hears Kunikida practically yelp behind them. "We have to stop them!"

Whatever Dazai responds with is lost on Yosano and Ranpo, but who cares – it's probably deluded like normal.

"Hurry up, slowpoke!" She barks at Ranpo instead of worrying if Dazai and Kunikida are chasing after them.

She doesn't release Ranpo's hand until they reach the first item on the list.

* * *

 **6\. Because**

They're making their way back to the Agency after a job. Sitting quietly, side by side, as the train makes its way back. Ranpo's playing a game on his handheld, and Yosano is reading a book.

Today's job wasn't too difficult – it barely took an hour, thanks to Ranpo – so unless the Director has another job for either of them, both are anticipating having the rest of the day to write up this one report and do nothing else. (Which admittedly, is nothing new for Ranpo.)

Halfway through the train ride back, Ranpo abruptly snaps his handheld shut. Yosano only knows this because she hears the immediate decisive sound of the snap, and she doesn't bother turning to look to see the action. Ranpo has the attention span of a toddler, and the patience of one as well, so she naturally assumes that he either got bored or stuck or both and decided to quit. Sighing quietly to herself, she gives a small shake of her head more towards herself than towards Ranpo, and turns the page in her book.

Her free hand is resting on her lap. Focus on the pages in front of her, she barely gives any acknowledgement to the detective next to her. Whatever Ranpo does is no problem of hers, unless he somehow manages to get himself lost under her watch.

So uncaring of what her partner is doing as she is engrossed in her book, Yosano almost completely misses what Ranpo does. Which is almost baffling, considering that he's not hiding what he's doing in the slightest. He does it uncaringly and naturally, as if he's done it every day before now.

Ranpo takes her hand in his.

Baffled, confused, Yosano is stunned enough that she puts her book down to stare at Ranpo. Then down at their joined hands, then back up at Ranpo. Flatly as she can manage through the surprise, she says, "What are you doing?"

"Hm?" Ranpo hums, looking down at their hands as if he didn't realize what he just did. His response indicates the opposite, however, answering Yosano's question with a nonchalant, "I'm holding your hand, obviously."

" _Why_?"

Ranpo shrugs in response. He doesn't release her hand.

"Because I want to?" He sounds uncertain of the answer himself.

"Because _you want to_." Yosano repeats, unamused.

"I mean," Ranpo explains blithely, like Yosano's the one acting like the oblivious idiot he usually is. "You're always holding my hand, why can't I hold yours?"

Yosano doesn't have an answer to that. She spends the rest of the trip back to the Agency, trying to think of a viable reason as to why Ranpo can't hold her hand that the other won't shoot down.

Ranpo doesn't let go the whole way back.

* * *

 _Please read and review!_


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